The only window in the studio here gives me a constant view of a rocky mountain. I see it from my work table. Just seeing it for most of the day as the light changes...the breeze comes and goes, the grass, bushes and trees gently sway and stir, gives the whole vision a strangeness, like a kind of mirage. One senses one's part of nature yet also one's irreconsiliable estrangement from it (I think of Cezanne and Bonnard too, they seem to belong to another universe now). Yet our contemporary world mingles with this nature. Among some vegetation, at the side of a path...fragments of a sunday magazine and a blue plastic bottle, a plane overhead and the sound of bulldozer not too far off. Our biology creates a consciousness which rebels against itself and the universe and which has at heart a fear and disbelief. We are aghast at the fact that we are so determined by our human nature to ceaslessly subject the world to our needs, to control and shape it, yet we are haunted too, we know somewhere inside of us that we never really touch things and get at their core. We know that this is beyond us, even though we see the most complex components of reality ever more clearly. My body sweats in the heat. I have been feeling slightly nauseous...time for a glass of water...rest for a while.
at 11:17 AM